No, My Rear End is Not Growing Larger

18 Nov 2009

Original Blogger tags: Hey You Kids Get Off of My Lawn, Curmudgeon, Pants

My pants don’t fit any more. And this time, it isn’t my fault for eating too much lasagna.

One of my favorite pairs of jeans is from Old Navy, their 34/32 “loose fit” jeans, purchased a few years ago.

As all well-loved jeans eventually wear out, recently I was looking for another pair of the same kind. Here’s the modern equivalent.

The problem is, they don’t fit me comfortably. They don’t unzip as far. They’re tight in the inseam. When I squat down, I have an immediate case of plumber butt. Here’s why. Look at the length of the zipper in the old one (bottom) and the new one (top). It’s pretty dramatic.

Look at the distance between the top of the garment and the inseam.

Here is the distance from the back (the top of the back of the pants to the inseam). This difference isn’t so dramatic, but the tightness through the whole inseam pulls the whole rear of the pants much tighter. That’s flattering to my buns of steel, I suppose, but it also means they ride down, and the boys don’t have much room to swing free.

You know, it is easy to make fun of kids today with their pants falling down, or their low-riders that expose the butt crack. But maybe the kids aren’t entirely to blame, if they can’t buy pants that fit.

Anyway, it never really made sense for me, a middle-aged man, to shop at Old Navy; I always felt out of place there, even though I did like the way their jeans fit. This seals the deal, though. No more Old Navy for me.

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This work by Paul R. Potts is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License. The CSS framework is stylize.css, Copyright © 2014 by Jack Crawford.

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